Me In A Bottle

Hello again, Writing.

It’s been a long time, I know, so please be easy on me. I haven’t been alone in so long, I almost forgot how. Same goes with writing. Sometimes, it feels like you are my only friend. And what is that really saying of me?

            I feel the unhappiness sinking in. It hurts, really bad. How many times am I going to run into this? Just look at what you’ve gone and done.

            Words can’t even begin to explain how hot I am, the temperature. I feel like a person could cradle their hands around my body and warm themselves from the heat it generates.  Times like these really make me miss Ange. We never do anything together anymore.

            This is one of those boring pieces that I write that will never amount to anything, will not in any way be interesting, and I will probably end up deleting without even reading it over.

            Anyways, perhaps I really need to go somewhere, leave. And be entirely, completely alone. Fall in love, but irrevocably with myself. Just have my own house, to be heart-achingly ugly in, irresistibly beautiful, childishly funny, and intolerably angry. Cry instantaneously, sing in a voice that nobody would love and leave as I please. Talk to no one, smile at everyone, not one of them an inkling of the power boiling within me, not an idea in the slightest of what I am capable.

            I wanted to write to Louise, so badly. It would be a pleasure. But I just couldn’t. What would I say? I didn’t want to convey this unhappiness, this loneliness, in my letter. So I decided I’d better wait.

I realized that, here I was again, silent and hating it, not a clue in the world of what to do with myself when left alone. What a bad, bad thing it was.  It was just then that Shawn sent me a message to ask what it was I was doing. I looked around. What was I doing?

Sitting here. Too tired to move, too hot to stay here, unable to produce one clear thought, one full sentence, and my head in too much pain to keep crying.  So I responded, “Trying to remember how to be alone.”

It was then that I poured myself a big full glass of wine. I leaned back into the couch and took in a long drink.

 I sighed. 
     Ohh..
           now I remember...